Invalidators

There are many words and expressions in English that exist to help us to define truths to one another. For instance, when one says, “I seriously have to pee,” the word ‘seriously’ is not being used to communicate that one literally has to pee.

The sentence above would have communicated that message without the word seriously in it at all. It is simply being used to stress the degree of truth to the situation. (You can’t figuratively have to pee anyway).

Oddly enough, many similar words like ‘seriously’ that we use to validate and qualify our thoughts have polarized in meaning. These words, when used, may actually serve to discredit and even invalidate the things we say. Thus, we might call these words ‘invalidators.’

The meanings, of course, have not changed in any dictionary, but merely in how we interpret these words in common discourse. The ways that we try to emphasize how correct we are are varied and many. Among them, common uses are:

• Seriously
• Truly
• Trust me
• The fact is
• Really
• I swear
• For real
• Actually
• Honestly
• The truth of the matter is (this is, in my opinion, the worst invalidator of them all)

Calling in to work sick is a bad time to use invalidators: “I don’t think I’ll be able to work today. I’m actually feeling really sick.” While you may be cripplingly ill, no boss will believe you once you’ve used an invalidator like ‘actually’ in this context.

Invalidators are most often used in blanket statements of assertion that are rarely substantiated by any outside source. In using them, we try to make ourselves the source of truth.

However, anyone with any intelligence has a cognitive filter that red flags this sort of behaviour. All living creatures are naturally distrusting, like a chipmunk that won’t initially won’t take a peanut from you, but in time comes to acknowledge your benevolence.

This is the foundation for the flaw of invalidators: they are almost always used by people when they are trying to persuade us into doing something. “You should come. I promise it will be fun.” Our minds see any behaviour that seeks to change our perception as incongruous, and this lessens our willingness to accept it. Like the chipmunk, we are resistant to trusting.

A salesperson who is new to their job is a good example of a user of invalidators. “I give you my word; if you buy this car you won’t be sorry. It’s top quality.” At this point you either buy the car because you already wanted to, or, you get a feeling in your stomach that says you don’t want to buy a car from this person. You body receives signals that this person is trying to trick you, or at least manipulate your thought process.

It is this mental barrier that these words often fail to hurdle, and thus why they  can diminish our credibility.

The really unfortunate thing about invalidators is that we use them so freely in common speech. However, while the truth of the matter is that it is very hard to avoid using “invalidators,” they are definitely to be avoided. The fact is, you will truly be perceived as more believable and trustworthy if you abstain from using these words. Just trust me.

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